Recently I said :
"happiness is solely the right of children and machines, in the end."
When well meaning friends disagreed, I further posted:
Tell me exactly, what we have done for this world that we deserve happiness from it? Does everyone have enough to eat? Does everyone have a place to sleep? Does every woman, child and man walking the streets of this planet at night feel safe? The planets resources are being wasted so a tiny portion of the world can have cheap food, cheap transportation, and air conditioned homes. Women are still treated like chattel throughout the world. Religious zealots are given unequal weight to determine the lives of millions of others because we can't abridge their religious freedom. Kids are being made into soldiers to fight and die in proxy for rich old men who hold profit above all else. What exactly have we done for the world that we deserve happiness for?
These thoughts have been on my mind a lot as I watch the boy growing. I have no answers.
Make no mistake, my good people, inner circles and larger acquaintances, I am a damned liar and a hypocrite. But I'm trying not to be. Except for right now. Right now, I'm alone, drinking wine (or any sort of alcohol) for the first time in years, celebrating the fact that despite daily suicidal thoughts and major depression issues, despite job losses and and mental breakdowns, despite impending homelessness and continuing health problems, I persist in this pixel-colored HD world of ours. Enough to have two novels written, a short story finished, a few more published, and many things on the burners. It's funny, really. I don't believe in universal, or spiritual karma anymore, haven't since the Tsunami of 11, but my faith in human-powered, pay-it-forward-karma is getting stronger day by day. For that, I thank you.